Introduce your Cybernations Team here

[Bill Price]

Introduce your new GCL Team here if you are a player of Cybernations...

[billandianbulldogs]

www.forgivenotforget.com/stadium.jpg" <---click to see new stadium

(The scene opens with a panoramic view of the new Billandia International Cricket Stadium (see image above). Slowly, the camera pans down to a man in a Billandian Cricket jersey holding a cricket bat.)

Man: "Hello, my name is Spike Batsmore. You may remember me from the 2003 Universal Mega Cricket 15 day All Star Super Challenge, and my MVP performance in last year's International Grande Cricket Wonder Cup Championship. I'm here to let the world in on a little secret..

(leans in to the camera and whispers...) Billandia's put together the finest group of cricket players I've ever seen.

(Shouting now)This team is a batting powerhouse! These guys can hit with the best of them.

I'm also proud to announce that I will be playing on this team for at least the next 5 seasons, so the world should consider itself warned. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some championship plane tickets to book."

(walks off toward the stadium...camera fades.)

[jaromayo]

(camera pans across the thriving Megalopolis of Antarctistan and up to the hill above where the illustrious Palace overlooks all. Taking a stroll through the palace gardens is the all-powerful ruler of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Antarctica, the honorable Jaromayo M. Choadacian IV)

King Jaromayo:Good afternoon third world countries. I can't say I was shocked that you had taken the time to put together a cricket team, but I was surprised that you found 13 people in your countries with clothes on.

Seriously people, all these starving naked people.... It's like I'm watching the Paris Hilton sex tape again. Am I right?

The Democratic People's Republic of Antarctica has owned the world of sports for decades with world class soccer, football, baseball, basketball, golf, tennis, hurling, curling, hockey, lacrosse, and most importantly, world class sumo wrestling. Until recently, we have shied away from cricket, because.... well.... it's kind of homosexual. But when half of our baseball league refused their government mandated steroids, we thought what better way to punish these pansies than to dress them up in womens clothes and make them play cricket. Am I right? Of course I am.

To ensure that my players do well, despite their lack of experience playing this little girls game, for every 50 runs scored against us, a family member of one our players will be brutally tortured. In the spirit of sportsmanship, I'll let you decide which player AND which relative. Will it be the bowler's girlfriend? His mother? I don't know. It's up to you!

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to turn to more important things than crickets, or whatever this game is called. Be gone.

(fade to the DPRA flag)

[Baron Bill]

(The scene is tense as a crowd of 20+ reports and hundreds of 12-25 y/o boys in “Billandian Bulldogs” T-shirts crowd around a stage in the Billandian International Stadium conference room. The air is hot and everyone is sweating noticeably as a man makes his way onstage and takes his place in front of the podium.)

Man: “Hello. I want to apologize in advance for the air-conditioner being repaired. We had hope to have it fixed by this morning, but we had to order the part from The People’s Democratic Republic of Antarctica and their only shipping methods were either by Yeti or by Tan-tan, so we may not get it until next month.

Anyway, thanks for coming, my name is Mister Misty and as some of you may already know, I am the Minister of Sports for the Billandian Recreation Authority. I have called this conference for a couple of reasons. Number one, I’d like to introduce Your Billandian Bulldogs!”

(One by one, the players’ names are read off as they come onto the stage to loud applause)

Mister Misty: “Another thing I’d like to take this time to address is the slanderous and uncalled for comments made by a man who is supposed to be our Ally in STAIN, Jaromayo M. Choadakryomastorificandiopolis or whatever his name is…

First of Mr. Mayo, Billandia has made great stride in not only clothing the vast majority of its citizens, but also in establishing itself as one of the most technologically advanced third world countries on the planet! We have a school, and have recently even established a National bank!

As for your slanderous comments on the fine sport of Cricket, I will have you know that cricket is very much a man’s sport and I laugh at your Country’s pitiful attempt to field a Team for this year’s GCL Season. As far as your Nation’s claim of domination of the sporting world, I would hardly call what you have accomplished “domination”. Not coming in last place is not a reason to celebrate in and of itself, especially since last place is usually secured by The Blue Agave Nation’s inability to field a sober team in any sport.

We the people of Billandia demand a public apology!”

(With that, Mister Misty leaves the stage)

[jaromayo]

(The camera fades from black to a functionally retarded young man in the shipping room)

Hi there. I'm Lionel Deshazo. I work in the shipping department of the DPRA's federally owned shipping company, and I'm a flaming homo. Our minister of sports didn't know what cricket was, but he wanted to know why we hadn't shipped out the AC parts to Billandia. I told him that according to the logs, the check hadn't cleared. He told me to ship it anyway. Something about being able to "smell those sweaty girls all the way from Billandia".

Well, anywho. I told him that I played cricket when I was a little boy. He put me in charge of the cricket team right then and there. Said that since I was both mentally handicapped and gay, I was the most qualified person in the country.

He's a very busy, and I don't know how he walks with all those championship rings, and belts, and stuff weighing him down.

He says that if we win the cup, I'll get a fancy title and a new office and stuff. If we don't win, he'll probably kill my mother, though. Mom says to just do my best, and everything will work out just fine. She was crying a bit. I think it's because she's so proud. I could still hear her screaming when I was leaving "Oh Jesus, what did I do to deserve this???". That's what I was thinking, too. What did I do to deserve this great opportunity?

Have a good day, everybody!

(Lionel waves goodbye with a warm smile)

[Baron Bill]

(Camera opens on two AC repairmen in the basement of Billandia National Stadium. One of the men is holding up a bizarre looking mechanical part…)

(To the other man): “What the hell is this?? This isn’t a compressor sprocket! Who the hell does the DPRA have packing this stuff, a retard? And what is all over it? Is that a booger?”

(The other man nudges him and points at the camera…)

Man: “Oh, sorry, I forgot about the interview. (Clears his throat) It may be a few more weeks until we get the AC fixed, but the field is all ready to go. The pitch is perfect and the boundary marker’s in place. The team should be out practicing by now…”

(Camera quickly turns and bolts up the stairs out to the practice field as we hear shouts of “wait, is the interview over? But..” echoing behind us. The camera approaches a few players stretching)

Reporter: “Excuse me, Spike Batsmore? My name is Perk Perkins from channel 1 news. Do you have a moment?”

Spike: “Always time for my fans. (Huge bucktoothed grin) So you probably want to talk about me and my superb skills with a cricket bat, right?”

Perk: “Actually, I wanted to talk about…”

Spike: “Right, my batting skills. Let me tell you this, I will be leading off the order in every game. I intend to post century upon century, and basically punish opposing bowlers in every sense of the word. I don’t care if you’re a pace bowler, spin bowler, whatever, you’re mine!”

Perk: “That’s super Spike, but I wanted to ask about this quickly escalating rivalry with the DPRA Polar Disorders. What’s your take on the whole mess? “

Spike: “Look Perk, the DPRA hasn’t proven that it can even field a viable cricket team. Honestly, I don’t think they have a single person on that icy rock they call a country that can even play cricket. I’ve seen the roster, and yes, there are a few guys on that list that can play. Mick "Mickie" McMickelson, Flip Conroy, and I used to all play together in the North Atlantic Middle Eastern National Mega Universe Cricket Association. In 2002, we led the Gurgleville Mudjumpers to the Super-Ultra-Mega Cup National Championship. It’s too bad they turned down the chance to play for the Bulldogs this year, but after the embarrassing season they’re about to have with the DPRA team, I have a feeling they’ll be banging on our door next season.”

Perk: “There you have it Billandia. Your Bulldogs, already predicting a glorious season and eyeing a championship.”

(Camera fades)

[jaromayo]

(A news reporter stands in front of an overweight, balding gentleman sitting on his couch, beer dripping from his chin to his white sleeveless undershirt, fingers stained orange from cheetos)

Reporter: "Stacy MacElroy here from Channel 7 News. With all the news that is news! I'm here with Howie Feltersnatch, DPRA's only cricket fan. Howie, thanks for taking the time to speak with us today about what is soon to be the nations fastest growing sport sensation in the country."

Howie: "Hey, you betcha. I loves me some cricket. I gotta tell ya. All that wood! Woo-Hoo!"

Reporter: "Ummm, yeah. Calm down there, Howie. There are many controversies regarding this sport right now. As you know, the DPRA's team is the only team in our country NOT on steroids."

Howie: "I wouldn't worry about that. These guys don't need steroids. This game ain't like football, where you have to be strong, or like basketball where you have to be fast, or even like baseball where you have to be smart. No, cricket requires almost no talent. Why do you think it's so popular in Pakistan?"

Reporter: "Ok. Hold for editing and.... We're here with Howie Feltersnatch, DPRA's only cricket fan. Howie, what are your thoughts on President Choadacian's comments that cricket was for "sally nancy boys"

Howie: "I gotta tell you. I was upset by that statement. I mean, sure, it's well known that the cricket league is about 75% gay. But, last game I went I totally hooked up with this hot chick. Well, she wasn't a chick quite yet, technically. But the operation was coming up the next week. Ain't nothing gay about that!"

Reporter: "Wow. Really Howie, we can't air anything you've said so far. This is a family show.... Stacy MacElroy here from Channel 7 News. With all the news that is news! I'm here with Howie Feltersnatch, DPRA's only cricket fan. Howie, what do you think about Spike Batsmore's comment that, and I quote'I don’t think they have a single person on that icy rock they call a country that can even play cricket' "

Howie: "That's just utterly ridiculous, Stacy. These young men on our team are rock solid. Heywood "The Great" Hernandez? I mean, come on. That guy's the best pitcher in the world. I know he's never played cricket a day in his life, but you can bet the Bulldogs are gonna have their hands full when he starts throwing the heat. And how about that Skip Whippet? Seriously sweet ass on that kid."

Stacy: "CUT! cut, cut... I can't do this any more. Stop the tape"

(static)